At this point in my life I guess there’s a fairly good chance I’ll never be famous, rich, content, liked-by-many, sober, smart, handy around the house, well-dressed, desirable, a doctor, the third member of WHAM!, asked to a party for any reason other than to serve drinks and help clean-up, comfortable, or witty.
But hey, who’s perfect?
I feel like now is the right time for me to take a profound step on my journey of personal growth and acknowledge a few negligible imperfections.
Because I’m competing for my wife’s affections, that’s why, and in order to improve my chances of winning I think I should first recognize one or two minor shortcomings so that I can move forward and become a better man.
With whom am I competing (you may be asking yourself in perfectly irritating proper English)?
Benicio del Toro.
Ever since my wife and I spotted Benicio del Toro (what does that mean anyway, Benicio of the Bull?) at the Cannes Film Festival earlier this year I know she’s been thinking about him.
She won’t acknowledge it but I know she knows I know.
I can feel it.
Of the Bull feels it too.
That’s why I’m taking this bullfight public.
Check out the video I took outside the Hotel Martinez in Cannes.
Just look at him, all handsome, well-dressed, and polite.
Who does he think he is?
It’s pretty obvious that even though he doesn’t look in my direction or acknowledge me in any way he knows I’ve got his number.
You can see it in his eyes.
And don’t imagine for a second, that just because hundreds of adoring fans were clamoring for OTB’s attention and the best thing I had going was some guy sneezing on my arm behind the security barrier, that I don’t have a dog in this fight.
I just don’t think Mister Benicio Del Toro realizes with whom he’s competing.
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